im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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