I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
