you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
