I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize