That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
