I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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