The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
