just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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