so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
