Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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