you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
