He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize