How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
