A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
why is half of my head shaved?
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