you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
