I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
