So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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