? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
is wine microwaveable?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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