I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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