i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
