she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Ladies don't puke and tell
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
