pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
