she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
