me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
