im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize