Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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