Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
