Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
