i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
