Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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