idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
