hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize