If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
