Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize