Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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