I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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