Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
