Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
nut hugger
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
