I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
