What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
