I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
love makes seman taste better
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
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