Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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