good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
