see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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