I'm jealous of your bromance
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
