i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
