We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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