how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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