We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
