She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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