Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
