wat bout pragnant strippers??
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
