So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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