i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
