i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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