just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
