i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
