I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
