my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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