alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
