I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
