bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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