So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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