I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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