Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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