i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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