im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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