Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Don't tell me you're on acid again
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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