Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
