you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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