I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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