see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
