I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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