I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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