Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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