Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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