my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
