i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
