none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
