I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So many bounce houses so little time
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
